One year, 5 months and 13 days

One year, 5 months and 13 days of unemployment. No matter how I try to spin it in my head, there is nothing positive about. Unemployed is unemployed. Unemployed equates to no money, no bills being paid, no eating, no home, no security, nothing but despair. I don't want to write this particular blog. I have been avoiding this for one year, 5 months and 13 days. So why today? Today is the first day in a long time that I actually felt like I did nothing wrong. I secured my future financially, I wasn't reckless in my finances. I was on the "stroll" as my friends and me affectionately called our places of employment. I lived for the "stroll". The "stroll" was good to me!!! I was able to sustain my myself on savings for one year, 5 months and 13 days. So how did I end up here? I could blame the economy, I could blame the Busch administration, I could blame the Obama administration,or I could blame life. Hell, I could blame myself, but the simple fact is that I am here. Here! Here doesn't look or feel too good. I feel like I am on a mall map that tells you "you are here" in the grand scheme of things. My life has been designated with a location marker that says "You are here"....really? I don't need the reminder, but it is a truth for me. A truth for one year, 5 months and 13 days. The one consistent truth in my life as of now. So.....where do I go from here? Up!!!!! I know it sounds cliche -ish, but I'm going up. The phoenix will rise from the fire. (I really think that this has fueled my creative juices.) Hell...I felt good writing that. Let me write it again...I will rise from the fire triumphantly and secure my position back in the world of the employed. Funny...a good friend of mine says that I should be using this time to write and develop if you will, my craft. Well, like any good writer, I had "writers block". Now, if I really want to be honest, I didn't think that I had anything to say that meant anything. You see, I am a person who doesn't lack confidence, some would even say that I exude confidence ,but when I lost my job I lost my confidence. I became what I hated. I became "a person who didn't have anything, but their job to give them meaning in life". Sounds familiar and sad huh? Well, all I had was my job to bring me joy. My marriage was in shambles, we were living true separate lives. Me in my room and him in his. We functioned like married roommates.We socialized like married people, but once we were out of the radar or cross hairs of friends and family, we lived like strangers. We gave each other the courtesy and respect, but none the less living separate lives. Why do I want to break out into a Phil Collin's song "Separate Lives"? Or even "'On my own"? I digress. So..... where does that leave me now? I will be divorced in a couple of months. I'm still unemployed, but I am happy as hell, that I have regained me. Oh, don't get me wrong, ending my marriage has affected me, but we are better off as friends. Long story. We function better as friends. So once again, where does that leave me? Living my life, being truly happy, finding love again one day and yes experience "carpe diem". I vowed that 2012 was going to be a wonderful year. So far it has been. Despite the setbacks. Another good friend of mine says " a setback is a set up for a comeback". Greg Leakes from " The Real Housewives of Atlanta said, "take a stumbling block and turn it into a stepping stone". My favorite of them all is is from a very special friend who says "it's all good".  Words to live by! Yes, I know that I am still unemployed, but that picture is beginning to look up. Sometimes we need a kick in our pants to remember who we were to become who we were really meant to be. I live a blessed life, rich in friends, family and I have me to hold on to. I don't know when I will be back, but rest assured I will. Damn....I can't get that song "Own my own" out of my head. Hell, I am going  to embrace it and sing in my fashion ...loud and proud. "Own my own, once again......
This is A Bottom Named Reach Around and this is my view.